Pariah

I have chosen exile as my path. I no longer flow with the river, but I swim upstream like the doomed salmon. I return to my beach of birth like the sea turtle. I have chosen who I am. I have settled for what I can stand and stood for nothing. I wanted to be noticed so incredibly that my sight has become clouded with deceit and insecurity and disbelief. You were right. I found out at too high a cost. One I might learn to bare but at a cost you cannot afford. You are not a disappointment to anyone. Least of all to me. I am proud to have spent time with you. I am privileged you would even grace me with your presence in my life. I am forever grateful. Thank you. Your conviction will not be wasted on me. Save it for the one who loves you as I am unable to. For he will bring you happiness. When I have only brought you pain and suffering. Our downfall is my fault and my burden to bare. Suffer it if you must, but I chose this. We might have been, if I wasn't so selfish.

the one person it means the most to me, she feels hurt. the answer is obvious. while my heart disagrees, my head will reason. some of us suffer from reason, some of us are forced to reason and even still some of us choose reason.